After watching this video
posted by Chris Thompson (here's the link How to be LESS independent )I couldn't stop thinking about it and I questioned
myself: ‘Is it necessary to give up part of your independency to have a close
relationship with your partner?’, although I totally agree with all that you
said about trust Chris, my answer is ‘no, it isn’t’. Trust and independency is
not the same thing. Firstly we need to realize:
Why do women
want to be independent?
To answer that question
we have to look back in our past. From hundreds of years women were under male
control. The biggest achievement for a girl was to get married and give her
husband a male descendant. Through the centuries an image of
women was changing but still they were somehow separated from the public life.
If you’re familiar with realist novel and Victorian Age in literature you
probably know the term ‘the angel in the house’. Women were supposed to be
those angels, guards of family values, pure and innocent. After the long battle,
today we can talk about equal rights for men and women, at least theoretically.
We’re happy to be the generation which can observe
that sex discrimination is slowly disappearing. There is a generation of women
who are independent, who admit that giving birth and taking care of their
husbands is not their only ambition. We all still have somewhere in our mind a
memory of our mothers’ or grandmothers’(depends on how old you are;)) situation
who had political and social rights but still were supposed to be just
housewives. Remember the movie ‘Mona Lisa Smile’? That’s what I’m talking
about.
So today, when we (women) finally have the opportunity
to do what we want to, because it is no longer inappropriate, we have the need
to be independent. Independent financially or emotionally and I don’t think it
is wrong.
Historical background is I think the main reason. The
second is that women are afraid that men may hurt them, but I agree what Chris
said about the trust and being “WE” not just “ME”.
But let’s go back to my question:
Is it necessary to give up part of your independency
to have a close relationship with your partner?
Well, as I mentioned
before I think it’s not necessary. When you’re in a relationship with somebody
else you should act as one solid body, but on the other hand you’re still two
individuals. Being an independent individual with your own opinion, and
feelings is good. You can’t suddenly become your partner, you don’t have to
agree with all their decisions. Of course as Chris said: “you’re combining your
life with someone else’s life”, but that’s mean you have to learn how to reach
a compromise and how to make decisions together, not going too far into that –
what do I mean? When I was shopping the other day, I heard two girls talking.
One of them wanted to buy a dress and her friend said: ‘You look amazing, you
have to buy it’ but the other answered ‘I’m not sure if my boyfriend like that
dress’. This is what I meant. You have to be able to make your own decisions
even if you’re not sure if your partner approves it or not. It depends what
kind of situation it is. He may not like the dress, who cares, buy it if you
like it. It’s different when it’s about a big issue including both of you, then
think about it and discuss it with your partner. ‘People need people’ as Chris
said, but even if from time to time you will agree to do something you’re not
really sure about, it doesn’t mean you’re losing you independency. Whenever you
start a relationship with somebody you need to give up your selfishness not
your independency and those are two completely different things.
These are just my
thoughts. The problem is multifacial because we should also discuss why do men
need to be independent, or why do some people in general need to have control
over others whereas some need to be controlled.
Brak komentarzy:
Prześlij komentarz